back...

A few weeks ago...

A man that has faithfully invested a lifetime of lessons...

Came for a quick visit.

At the ongoing request of a three year old princess...

He serendipitously deposited a wealth of treasures into all of our stories.

After having just visited a month prior...

He came back.

All because Charli had been relentless in her pursuit for more...

Of his presence.

All for love.

He came back.

It may not seem like much, but

He and my stepmom both have full-time jobs...

They live 5 hours away...

And, they came knowing they would spend more time driving than visiting.

Charli's request for his return was most "daughter-like," pure and honest.

She simply wanted him to return because she wanted to be with him...

To play with him...

To experience the joys of his roaring laughter over her...

To be held in the warmth of his arms...  
While basking in the truth...
 She is worthy of...
 Of such pursuits...
Of the "coming back."

All for love...
My Daddy came back...

To spend a few story-changing hours...

With one of his beloveds.

Desiring to bless her, 
Honor her special request...

Remind her that love keeps its promises.

Love comes back.

And, for this child who spent her first months of life in a hospital bed...

Surrounded by continuous leaving...

This was a marker day...

A Holy Visitation of sorts.

It was a "coming back" day.

The God we serve...

Is One of extreme nearness.

He takes great delight in our awareness of His close proximity.

In love with our relentlessly, playful invitations...

He is... 
God with us.

                                 

The God of LOVE and long embraces..
Belly laughs...
Handholding and 
Tickles.
And most importantly...
Nonsensically going the pain-filled distance just so we can be together.
He is and will forever be...
The Coming Back God.

winter situations...

Winter...
Even in all its beautiful, glory...

It's turning me into a bit of an "angry elf."

Snow and ice have covered the ground for months now...
With the accumulated snowfall currently around 35.8 inches...
Almost 3 times the average...

My steps simply cannot escape the frozen cold.

The wintery ice covering my paths...
Serves as a constant reminder...
Of just how much power...
I am tempted to give my surrounding circumstances.

When life is sunny and warm...
So I tend to be...
When it's frigid, dark and icy...
Well, you get the point.

When my focus zooms in on my "situations..."
I can quickly lose ability to see clearly.

I start giving my hope away...

Bankrupting my belief systems...

And faith-seeing takes a serious back seat to my emotions.

Leaning on my own understanding...

Is often...

Less than flattering.

Teaching myself to see...

Elevating my mind...

To believe what doesn't "feel" true...

Means a lifetime of practical learning.

One minute...

I'm seeing with such joy filled clarity...

Delighting in all that He is highlighting...

Singing truth...

Over the impossibilities.

The next moment...

Knocked over by the smallest winds of misfortune.

Being a learner is taxing.

Quite honestly, when life "feels" the coldest...

I just want to wrap up...

Crawl back in bed... and hide until a warmer day comes along.

When the minutes and hours are marked with perpetual madness...

I must train my eyes to process differently...

2 Corinthians 10 teaches...

I must lasso every thought that doesn't reflect The heart of God...

And, let His hand help diminish every false view.

Don't misunderstand...

Seeing doesn't mean my hurt vanishes...

My unfavorable situations do not exit in a "poof."

It's simply an opportunity to stir my heart back towards gratitude...

Motioning myself deeper...

Towards the unseen.

Honestly, I have times...

When moments feel so dark...

I have to picture with the eyes of my heart...

That He is holding me... giving me His strength when I have none.

Resting in the FACT...

He who is in charge of my past...

Is holding me in my present...

And, has already celebrated the full grown beauty existing in my future.

He sees...

The beauty I forever strain so hard to see.

In the swirling confusion...

In the tossing tempest...

In the midst of excruciating pain...

And, when His face SEEMS veiled by all the darkness...

I must grasp and hold onto truth.

Amazing what the tiniest amount of light can do...

Especially... on the darkest, winter days.

And, when I am willing...

Right in the midst of raging seas...

To blindly reach for the ever-present anchor lying beneath the surface...

And, operate out of what I profess to believe when it's sunny and calm...

I find myself sheltered in His refuge-truths. 

This is truly where I long to be.

May a thankful heart keep me...

Focused...

Firm...

Always reaching for what "feels" out of my grasp.

Because... for me learning more about love...

Even in the midst of "winter..."

Means learning to be more than a "fair weathered friend."

Christmas card-ish

For over 15 years now...

I have worked diligently...

Making sure we had a "presentable" Christmas card.

This normally involved wrangling up coordinating outfits...

Tears from small people....

Frustration from the bigger ones...

Bribing...

Me with the remote making unnatural sounds...

Trying desperately to capture lying smiles all around...

Threatening... 

I mean encouraging... all to focus on the task at hand.

Family pictures are a treasured keepsake.

We love owning them.

But mostly... 

We rather dislike the process.

This will be the second year in a row...

Sending out cards...

Just isn't in the budget...

Oh...

I love sending cards out almost as much as I love to receive them.

My sincerest admiration goes out... 

To all families able to tackle beautifully, charming cards each year.

I adore opening them.

We "ooh" and "aah" over each one.

They bring so much joy.

But to be perfectly honest...

For me...

Just the thought of trying to get everyone "presentable..."

Haunted me this season and nearly wore me out.

I just don't have the steam...

"To get us ready."

So...

This year...

I decided we would go about documenting a little differently.

Not only are we continuing our "break" in tradition...

By sending electronic cards...

We are also going for a look a little more...

"Au naturel!"

The Smalls were shocked when I told them we weren't getting dressed up for pictures.

Completely confused is a huge understatement...

Especially as I explained they could stay in their p.j.'s-turned day clothes...

And they didn't even have to brush their hair.

Don't worry...

Lest you be mislead...

It was still total chaos.

Somehow we still managed to make this a production.

With people getting clunked on the head...

Confusion in abundance...

And, the tiniest small attempting to escape...

Every chance she could get.

Who could blame her?

For being super laid back... 

This was pretty nuts.

A million and one legos covered my "studio."

Good lighting was not in the cards.

My tripod broke...

And our propping up methods of books and duct tape....

Just weren't going to cut it.

Leaving me with...

One grumpy Good Pastor relieved he didn't have to join in all the holiday fun...

And, one mama most frustrated and irritable.

How was it that this supposedly easy task...

Of capturing our real life...

Was turning our whole morning upside down?

Oh my...

This really is our life.

This is us...

Messy revivalists.

Desiring less than ever...

To try and have it all together.

We surely aren't as polished as I would like us to be...

But, we are more comfortable being us than we have ever been.

We are lives in process.

Smalls and Bigs alike...

Filled with longing simply to be used.

His chosen "unkempt..." 

Hungry to sing His love song to a dying world.

Contrary to what Vaughan photos of Christmas past may have communicated...

Life is not "all smiles" all the time.

And we are almost NEVER picture perfect...

But, we do have plenty of joy to go around.

Beauty in the mess...

Describes us best.

Remaining in a learning posture...

One step at a time we continue...

To cling on to Him...

And each other on this faith journey

Never straying from the winding, familiar trail of struggle and hope.

In my personal life...

Getting everything and everyone "ready" for Christmas...

Is much like trying to take a good picture of my family...

It's largely been about focusing on the wrong things.

Trying so hard to create something beautiful...

I end up missing that which is naturally breathtaking...

Right in front of me...

In the silence of the ordinary.

What I desire most...

Is what I need the most...

All of Him...

And zero of the trimmings.

In the TOGETHERNESS of...

One day at a time.

It's in these moments...

I like to believe revival's seed is being sewn more deeply...

Into us all.

Knitting our hearts to Him who is MOST important.

Helping us to not just pose a life of readiness and joy...

But, fully LIVING one.

*Praying a REVIVED awareness of His heart for you...

In your most... "Au natural" state.

During this holiday season.

And the coming New Year.

Love, The Vaughans... 

Starring:

Princess Sophia-Charli, Holey jeans, Middrift- showing-Middle, Batman,

Grumpy Good Pastor and His beloved, Moody Moose.

convinced...

I am convinced...

The best gift to be unwrapped this Christmas...
Cannot be purchased from Target.
Though... most things amazing on planet Earth... 

Are often found at the "bullseye."

But, in all seriousness...

The very best gift...
Contrary to the ever-popular...
"Better to give than receive," clause.
Is in fact...
Receiving.

Saying "YES..."
To the most incredible invitation this world has ever known.
Accepting His gentle motion...
For us to "come."

Even in the midst of the cold days of the soul...
He is desire-FULL...
That, above all...
We would...
Carve out time to sit in the seat He has prepared.
To choose warmth and TRUE joy in the REST of His presence.

Sadly...
This invitation is one that is often drowned out.
Clutter, noise and hurry...
Love to occupy the throne of our hearts.
And, this season...
One specially marked to celebrate the Initiator of such invitations...
Remains mostly overlooked.

But... 
When I am really still...
Really, really still...
I hear...
Him...
Softly singing...

Inviting us on the climb of our lives...
Deeper into His lap of love...
"Come away...

With Me."

Smiling... in the singing.
Smiling... at the thought of being with us.
His face is tender...
Gentle and kind.

"Adventus,"
A season to remember waiting on Him...
Has been turned around.
And...
He is indeed...
Waiting on us.

How do I daily ignore such a bliss-filled invitation?
What is so important that I would decline?

I want to have more "Mary moments."
Giving back...
The very gift...
He desires most...
ME...
Allowing my hunger...
To be my rawest and truest from of worship.

Learning to pause...
Learning to focus on receiving.
Saying, "yes..."
To the still, small, whisper...
So often "feels" contrary to our nature.

It is a CHOICE to motion...
Out of our comfort zones...

Of tasking.

The busyness welcoming at every turn...
Must take a back seat...
To the Gift that keeps on giving.

Accepting His invitation of love
Has incalculable dividends.
Not happening in the malls...
But, in the secret places.
Him...
Alive and active in us...
Is the best gift we can impart to others.
He is the best "re-gift..."
This world has ever known.

And, I am convinced...
More than the latest gadget...
What my growing Smalls...
Desperately desire most...
Is to see...
The Reflection of what I say is true...

Functioned out...
In my very life.

Emmanuel...

Love engraved upon a tree.

God with us!

He is whispering today...
With a longing heart...
"Won't you come away with me?"

There are no "cyber deals..."
On this royal invitation.
The Shepherds and Wisemen knew it best...
Mary...
Perhaps most.
"WATCHING and WAITING..."
Is the one sure way...
To receive...
So that something truly great...
Can again be given away.

with...

37.

Not sure how I have possibly celebrated 37 birthdays...

And, yet, here I am.

On the eve of my birthday...
I spent some "still" moments before Our Good Daddy.
In the quiet I poured out my affection...
In the dark I asked...
"What can I do for you?"
"I just want to do something great 'for' You."

Almost immediately... 
I heard Him say,
"How about you just do...
 'WITH' me?"

Because I often speak first with my heart and not my head...
I began to process with the giant "buts" of a little girl...
"You know how much I love you..."
"You know my heart is right in this matter."
And, again...
Almost immediately...
I heard Him tenderly speaking into the deeper places...
"Kelly, You can have a passionately, loving heart for me...
And still have bad theology in regards to my heart for you."

Undone... I remembered...
What He wants most from me...
From His children...
Is not "doing..."
It's "being."

I believe that 37 will be the number that reminds my soul...
That He is NEVER after my performance...
He is after my heart.

Our God is The God of TOGETHERNESS.
And, whether I am a rustic, cargo carrying wagon...
Or His chosen vehicle for...
Nurturing small hearts on the journey...

I, Kelly,  add NOTHING to what He has already perfected...
Through the wood and nails.
His love can NEVER be earned.
It's Him ALONE that holds and sustains.

Every year is a year marked with opportunity.
We will never have another today...
And for better or worse...
We will never have a year like the year we are currently living.

With each new day...
My picture of Him is getting better.
As I grow in His love...
He is getting bigger.
He is more kind, more loving, more generous, more playful...
More everything!

My eyes awaken wider in the joys of this wonder...

He is nearer than we know...
More loving than we could ever dream or imagine.

The greatest sacrifice this world will ever know...
Was made on our behalf...
For nearness sake.

To "do" for Him...
Just misses the goodness of The Gospel.
It's all a gift.

He is the water of life...
And I want to be a daughter that waters from Him...
With Him...

Not for Him.

Here's to 37 and futures marked with...
"WITH!"

baby talk

Whether we want to admit it or not...

We all want to learn.

 And, we are all students of something.

Being a mother of four means lots of teaching...
LOTS!
As well as innumerable opportunities to face the fact...
I might have more to learn than them.
And, sometimes unlearning can be the trickiest part of all.

Our Charli is growing by leaps and bounds.
Finally her speech is catching up with her thoughts.
Quiet moments are often unfound here at The Rose.

Pastor and I spend most of our interactions with her...
In training mode.
Though she is being taught proper grammer...
She most often chooses her language of "baby talk."
She has little desire to unlearn the old.
For her...
It takes less thought, less effort, and it's what she is most comfortable speaking.
Just like any parent...
We know it is our job to teach her how to speak correctly.

The other day...
She was trying to communicate with her "Charli-made words."
And, I was correcting her for the 1,000th time.
In that moment The Holy Spirit sparked my heart.
I realized...
How often we as people are guilty of enabling, "baby talk."
You know the babbles that come from a struggling heart and mind.
Statements made in false humility.
"Lazy talk..."
Tiny, degrading remarks about themselves or others...
Lies about who they are, their future or who they can become.

It was made clear to me that if we aren't proactive...
We can become guilty of enabling and fostering "premie" like mindsets.

It is so easy to fall prey to this kind of thinking.
Partnering with the wounded in their unbelief...
Looking at stories that have truly struggled...
Choosing to over-sympathize instead of empower.
Leaving them with no new hope than they started with.
We are called to be the light in the dark...
The HOPE OF GLORY dwells in us.
If we really believe this...
Hope should make it's way out of our mouths...
And into the hearts of the hurting.

Wouldn't it be crazy if I never corrected the words that came from Charli's mouth...
Simply because of her past?
It would be ridiculous to rationalize that training her to rethink each word... 
Is simply too much for her to bear...
Given all that she has had to overcome.
Or, if our rationale as her parents was...
"I don't want to press into that, unsettle her, or stir up hardship."
"She has been through so much...
All things considered she is doing quite well."

We are to ALWAYS teach in love...
No matter the season we are journeying through.
No matter the deaths that have to take place.

For we know...

Spring will surely come again.

These last two years...
I have been learning more and more...
The value of words.

I do believe the greatest weapon for and against us...
Often lies in the power of the tongue.
It is our privilege as sons and daughters of The King...
To use our words to bestow life.

It has taken A LOT of teaching and unlearning for me...
To realize I am most powerful in reflecting His heart...
When my mind believes the song He is singing over my story.

It's like the oxygen mask on the airplane.
I have to breathe in the truth that I am His royal princess... 

Before I can authentically straighten the crown of another.

I am a daughter of The King.
He is well pleased with me.
My heart has been changed by those two lines.
And, His glorious invitation...
Is for all to live out of these truths. 

We serve a God that is NOT distant...
He is our DADDY!
It breaks His heart when we enable baby talk...
Choosing to live in disbelief in regards to who He says we are...
Speaking word curses over ourselves and partnering with lies.

It may seem like a ridiculous analogy...
But, it convicted me.

Just like with our little learner...
I have to be diligent to teach her...
Not just what she wants to learn...
Not just what is comfortable or convenient.
But, that which transforms her way of thinking.

Most days...
It's almost never easy...

As mind transformation never is.
And, yet...
He is always busy making it worth it!

"Let God transform you, by changing the way you think!"
Romans 12:2

this week...

This week our Charli went to have a playdate with her Nana in Tennessee.

As she was leaving...
A concerned little man wanted to know what was going on.

I explained, and he expressed his deep displeasure.
With great emotion he shared...
"But, I won't have my partner!"

He was NOT HAPPY.

The girls and I went out to send off The Princess...

What occurred next really surprised me.
Returning inside...
And rounding the corner...
This is what I found...
My little Buddy...
Quietly standing...
Staring...
All alone.

Eyes and heart fixed on the picture of his bestie...

He remained unresponsive to my calling.

He stood...

He cried...

And, he touched. 

For quite sometime...

He just walked around the house looking for pictures of Charli...

Stopping to express his heart.

He was consumed with miss.

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't witnessed it with my own eyes. It was like something out of a movie or t.v. show...
But, it was real life...
My life.

As his mom, I was shocked!

I had no idea this would stir his heart so much.

I learned as I watched.

This week.

The lesson of love at The Rose...

Was a reminder...

From a tender 5 year old.

A review of sorts...

Of our call to love, celebrate and enjoy our surrounding gifts...

TODAY...

While they are still near and can be found.

Change is always blowing.

Tomorrow holds few guarantees.

This week...
I was schooled by the loveliest, toe-headed boy I have ever known.

He reminded me that being super at love...

Means valuing what I have been entrusted with...

In the ordinary and sometimes frustrating moments of today.

So, if a time comes when I am left with just a picture on the wall...

I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt...

I loved hard...

And I loved well.