Christmas card-ish

For over 15 years now...

I have worked diligently...

Making sure we had a "presentable" Christmas card.

This normally involved wrangling up coordinating outfits...

Tears from small people....

Frustration from the bigger ones...

Bribing...

Me with the remote making unnatural sounds...

Trying desperately to capture lying smiles all around...

Threatening... 

I mean encouraging... all to focus on the task at hand.

Family pictures are a treasured keepsake.

We love owning them.

But mostly... 

We rather dislike the process.

This will be the second year in a row...

Sending out cards...

Just isn't in the budget...

Oh...

I love sending cards out almost as much as I love to receive them.

My sincerest admiration goes out... 

To all families able to tackle beautifully, charming cards each year.

I adore opening them.

We "ooh" and "aah" over each one.

They bring so much joy.

But to be perfectly honest...

For me...

Just the thought of trying to get everyone "presentable..."

Haunted me this season and nearly wore me out.

I just don't have the steam...

"To get us ready."

So...

This year...

I decided we would go about documenting a little differently.

Not only are we continuing our "break" in tradition...

By sending electronic cards...

We are also going for a look a little more...

"Au naturel!"

The Smalls were shocked when I told them we weren't getting dressed up for pictures.

Completely confused is a huge understatement...

Especially as I explained they could stay in their p.j.'s-turned day clothes...

And they didn't even have to brush their hair.

Don't worry...

Lest you be mislead...

It was still total chaos.

Somehow we still managed to make this a production.

With people getting clunked on the head...

Confusion in abundance...

And, the tiniest small attempting to escape...

Every chance she could get.

Who could blame her?

For being super laid back... 

This was pretty nuts.

A million and one legos covered my "studio."

Good lighting was not in the cards.

My tripod broke...

And our propping up methods of books and duct tape....

Just weren't going to cut it.

Leaving me with...

One grumpy Good Pastor relieved he didn't have to join in all the holiday fun...

And, one mama most frustrated and irritable.

How was it that this supposedly easy task...

Of capturing our real life...

Was turning our whole morning upside down?

Oh my...

This really is our life.

This is us...

Messy revivalists.

Desiring less than ever...

To try and have it all together.

We surely aren't as polished as I would like us to be...

But, we are more comfortable being us than we have ever been.

We are lives in process.

Smalls and Bigs alike...

Filled with longing simply to be used.

His chosen "unkempt..." 

Hungry to sing His love song to a dying world.

Contrary to what Vaughan photos of Christmas past may have communicated...

Life is not "all smiles" all the time.

And we are almost NEVER picture perfect...

But, we do have plenty of joy to go around.

Beauty in the mess...

Describes us best.

Remaining in a learning posture...

One step at a time we continue...

To cling on to Him...

And each other on this faith journey

Never straying from the winding, familiar trail of struggle and hope.

In my personal life...

Getting everything and everyone "ready" for Christmas...

Is much like trying to take a good picture of my family...

It's largely been about focusing on the wrong things.

Trying so hard to create something beautiful...

I end up missing that which is naturally breathtaking...

Right in front of me...

In the silence of the ordinary.

What I desire most...

Is what I need the most...

All of Him...

And zero of the trimmings.

In the TOGETHERNESS of...

One day at a time.

It's in these moments...

I like to believe revival's seed is being sewn more deeply...

Into us all.

Knitting our hearts to Him who is MOST important.

Helping us to not just pose a life of readiness and joy...

But, fully LIVING one.

*Praying a REVIVED awareness of His heart for you...

In your most... "Au natural" state.

During this holiday season.

And the coming New Year.

Love, The Vaughans... 

Starring:

Princess Sophia-Charli, Holey jeans, Middrift- showing-Middle, Batman,

Grumpy Good Pastor and His beloved, Moody Moose.

convinced...

I am convinced...

The best gift to be unwrapped this Christmas...
Cannot be purchased from Target.
Though... most things amazing on planet Earth... 

Are often found at the "bullseye."

But, in all seriousness...

The very best gift...
Contrary to the ever-popular...
"Better to give than receive," clause.
Is in fact...
Receiving.

Saying "YES..."
To the most incredible invitation this world has ever known.
Accepting His gentle motion...
For us to "come."

Even in the midst of the cold days of the soul...
He is desire-FULL...
That, above all...
We would...
Carve out time to sit in the seat He has prepared.
To choose warmth and TRUE joy in the REST of His presence.

Sadly...
This invitation is one that is often drowned out.
Clutter, noise and hurry...
Love to occupy the throne of our hearts.
And, this season...
One specially marked to celebrate the Initiator of such invitations...
Remains mostly overlooked.

But... 
When I am really still...
Really, really still...
I hear...
Him...
Softly singing...

Inviting us on the climb of our lives...
Deeper into His lap of love...
"Come away...

With Me."

Smiling... in the singing.
Smiling... at the thought of being with us.
His face is tender...
Gentle and kind.

"Adventus,"
A season to remember waiting on Him...
Has been turned around.
And...
He is indeed...
Waiting on us.

How do I daily ignore such a bliss-filled invitation?
What is so important that I would decline?

I want to have more "Mary moments."
Giving back...
The very gift...
He desires most...
ME...
Allowing my hunger...
To be my rawest and truest from of worship.

Learning to pause...
Learning to focus on receiving.
Saying, "yes..."
To the still, small, whisper...
So often "feels" contrary to our nature.

It is a CHOICE to motion...
Out of our comfort zones...

Of tasking.

The busyness welcoming at every turn...
Must take a back seat...
To the Gift that keeps on giving.

Accepting His invitation of love
Has incalculable dividends.
Not happening in the malls...
But, in the secret places.
Him...
Alive and active in us...
Is the best gift we can impart to others.
He is the best "re-gift..."
This world has ever known.

And, I am convinced...
More than the latest gadget...
What my growing Smalls...
Desperately desire most...
Is to see...
The Reflection of what I say is true...

Functioned out...
In my very life.

Emmanuel...

Love engraved upon a tree.

God with us!

He is whispering today...
With a longing heart...
"Won't you come away with me?"

There are no "cyber deals..."
On this royal invitation.
The Shepherds and Wisemen knew it best...
Mary...
Perhaps most.
"WATCHING and WAITING..."
Is the one sure way...
To receive...
So that something truly great...
Can again be given away.

with...

37.

Not sure how I have possibly celebrated 37 birthdays...

And, yet, here I am.

On the eve of my birthday...
I spent some "still" moments before Our Good Daddy.
In the quiet I poured out my affection...
In the dark I asked...
"What can I do for you?"
"I just want to do something great 'for' You."

Almost immediately... 
I heard Him say,
"How about you just do...
 'WITH' me?"

Because I often speak first with my heart and not my head...
I began to process with the giant "buts" of a little girl...
"You know how much I love you..."
"You know my heart is right in this matter."
And, again...
Almost immediately...
I heard Him tenderly speaking into the deeper places...
"Kelly, You can have a passionately, loving heart for me...
And still have bad theology in regards to my heart for you."

Undone... I remembered...
What He wants most from me...
From His children...
Is not "doing..."
It's "being."

I believe that 37 will be the number that reminds my soul...
That He is NEVER after my performance...
He is after my heart.

Our God is The God of TOGETHERNESS.
And, whether I am a rustic, cargo carrying wagon...
Or His chosen vehicle for...
Nurturing small hearts on the journey...

I, Kelly,  add NOTHING to what He has already perfected...
Through the wood and nails.
His love can NEVER be earned.
It's Him ALONE that holds and sustains.

Every year is a year marked with opportunity.
We will never have another today...
And for better or worse...
We will never have a year like the year we are currently living.

With each new day...
My picture of Him is getting better.
As I grow in His love...
He is getting bigger.
He is more kind, more loving, more generous, more playful...
More everything!

My eyes awaken wider in the joys of this wonder...

He is nearer than we know...
More loving than we could ever dream or imagine.

The greatest sacrifice this world will ever know...
Was made on our behalf...
For nearness sake.

To "do" for Him...
Just misses the goodness of The Gospel.
It's all a gift.

He is the water of life...
And I want to be a daughter that waters from Him...
With Him...

Not for Him.

Here's to 37 and futures marked with...
"WITH!"

baby talk

Whether we want to admit it or not...

We all want to learn.

 And, we are all students of something.

Being a mother of four means lots of teaching...
LOTS!
As well as innumerable opportunities to face the fact...
I might have more to learn than them.
And, sometimes unlearning can be the trickiest part of all.

Our Charli is growing by leaps and bounds.
Finally her speech is catching up with her thoughts.
Quiet moments are often unfound here at The Rose.

Pastor and I spend most of our interactions with her...
In training mode.
Though she is being taught proper grammer...
She most often chooses her language of "baby talk."
She has little desire to unlearn the old.
For her...
It takes less thought, less effort, and it's what she is most comfortable speaking.
Just like any parent...
We know it is our job to teach her how to speak correctly.

The other day...
She was trying to communicate with her "Charli-made words."
And, I was correcting her for the 1,000th time.
In that moment The Holy Spirit sparked my heart.
I realized...
How often we as people are guilty of enabling, "baby talk."
You know the babbles that come from a struggling heart and mind.
Statements made in false humility.
"Lazy talk..."
Tiny, degrading remarks about themselves or others...
Lies about who they are, their future or who they can become.

It was made clear to me that if we aren't proactive...
We can become guilty of enabling and fostering "premie" like mindsets.

It is so easy to fall prey to this kind of thinking.
Partnering with the wounded in their unbelief...
Looking at stories that have truly struggled...
Choosing to over-sympathize instead of empower.
Leaving them with no new hope than they started with.
We are called to be the light in the dark...
The HOPE OF GLORY dwells in us.
If we really believe this...
Hope should make it's way out of our mouths...
And into the hearts of the hurting.

Wouldn't it be crazy if I never corrected the words that came from Charli's mouth...
Simply because of her past?
It would be ridiculous to rationalize that training her to rethink each word... 
Is simply too much for her to bear...
Given all that she has had to overcome.
Or, if our rationale as her parents was...
"I don't want to press into that, unsettle her, or stir up hardship."
"She has been through so much...
All things considered she is doing quite well."

We are to ALWAYS teach in love...
No matter the season we are journeying through.
No matter the deaths that have to take place.

For we know...

Spring will surely come again.

These last two years...
I have been learning more and more...
The value of words.

I do believe the greatest weapon for and against us...
Often lies in the power of the tongue.
It is our privilege as sons and daughters of The King...
To use our words to bestow life.

It has taken A LOT of teaching and unlearning for me...
To realize I am most powerful in reflecting His heart...
When my mind believes the song He is singing over my story.

It's like the oxygen mask on the airplane.
I have to breathe in the truth that I am His royal princess... 

Before I can authentically straighten the crown of another.

I am a daughter of The King.
He is well pleased with me.
My heart has been changed by those two lines.
And, His glorious invitation...
Is for all to live out of these truths. 

We serve a God that is NOT distant...
He is our DADDY!
It breaks His heart when we enable baby talk...
Choosing to live in disbelief in regards to who He says we are...
Speaking word curses over ourselves and partnering with lies.

It may seem like a ridiculous analogy...
But, it convicted me.

Just like with our little learner...
I have to be diligent to teach her...
Not just what she wants to learn...
Not just what is comfortable or convenient.
But, that which transforms her way of thinking.

Most days...
It's almost never easy...

As mind transformation never is.
And, yet...
He is always busy making it worth it!

"Let God transform you, by changing the way you think!"
Romans 12:2

this week...

This week our Charli went to have a playdate with her Nana in Tennessee.

As she was leaving...
A concerned little man wanted to know what was going on.

I explained, and he expressed his deep displeasure.
With great emotion he shared...
"But, I won't have my partner!"

He was NOT HAPPY.

The girls and I went out to send off The Princess...

What occurred next really surprised me.
Returning inside...
And rounding the corner...
This is what I found...
My little Buddy...
Quietly standing...
Staring...
All alone.

Eyes and heart fixed on the picture of his bestie...

He remained unresponsive to my calling.

He stood...

He cried...

And, he touched. 

For quite sometime...

He just walked around the house looking for pictures of Charli...

Stopping to express his heart.

He was consumed with miss.

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't witnessed it with my own eyes. It was like something out of a movie or t.v. show...
But, it was real life...
My life.

As his mom, I was shocked!

I had no idea this would stir his heart so much.

I learned as I watched.

This week.

The lesson of love at The Rose...

Was a reminder...

From a tender 5 year old.

A review of sorts...

Of our call to love, celebrate and enjoy our surrounding gifts...

TODAY...

While they are still near and can be found.

Change is always blowing.

Tomorrow holds few guarantees.

This week...
I was schooled by the loveliest, toe-headed boy I have ever known.

He reminded me that being super at love...

Means valuing what I have been entrusted with...

In the ordinary and sometimes frustrating moments of today.

So, if a time comes when I am left with just a picture on the wall...

I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt...

I loved hard...

And I loved well.

plan...

He has a plan.
He can be trusted.

Lately King Solomon...
The Wisest man to ever live has been challenging my heart quite deeply.
These words ring especially important in my spirit...

"Know the importance of the season you are in...
And a wise son you will be."
Proverbs 10:5

The question I must ask myself...
Do I trust my God in every season of my life?
I mean... do I really believe He is working BIG...
In the small and unnoticeable moments of my days?
Do I really believe The Creator of The Heavens...

Knows my heart and has a plan for me?

Quite honestly...
I think I have spent many of my seasons...
Waiting for "THE SEASON" to arrive.
You know...
The "DEFINING season..."
The moment when I enter into what I was created for...
When my reality and destiny meet.

As I type this...
I feel sad for these mindsets...
As well as the ways I have improperly stewarded my  moments.

I feel like I am truly seeing for the first time...
How important each season is in regards to transformation.

Oh... how the enemy loves it when...
We believe the lie...
That the simple moments...
The hard moments...
The waiting moments...
Life in the unseen and ordinary places...
Are dormant seasons designed by God...
For us to live in the shadows...

Of what He is doing in a story more powerful...
And more worthy than our own.

I can't believe I have entertained such garbage.

I wonder how many love notes I have missed or overlooked...

Because my heart was preoccupied...

Waiting for something grander?

You must know...
My life is NOT glamorous.
Many days feel really raw and hard.
All too often I have found myself thinking...
"When am I going to do something that REALLY MATTERS?"
I see now... I was not reflecting the heart of a "wise son."

Oh how I long to SEE the value He sees in each of my moments.
I do not want to live in agreement with the lies of the enemy.
His whispers claiming that...
Because my moments "feel" mundane they can't be ministerial.
For in my life...
These are the secret places.
These are my private acts of worship.
This is wisdom.
To be faithful with the big and Smalls in my life.

To accomplish this mission...
To be wise and see the treasure in every season...
I will need supernatural assistance of Trinity proportions.

As a daughter of The King...
He has given me everything I need to have a posture of gratitude.

I can rest in the fact... 
He has a plan!
No task is unseen or insignificant in His eyes.

No matter the season...

There is ALWAYS fruit to be birthed...
Often starting with the smallest seed...
Adding the sweetest adornments...

To our stories.
Bearing sustenance that will surely feed others if we allow.

With truth comes clarity.
Each season...
Is simply that...
A season.
It will come and go like a blink.
And, though many are laced with hardship...
I want to see through the lens of wisdom.

Never forgetting... 

He has a plan.

May I be a woman...

Forever found falling in love with her moments.

bloodlines...

When our Good Pastor started his job in Dayton...

He spent his first year commuting...

While we awaited the sale of our home,

And, dreamt about what the future held.

Weeks at a time were spent...

Far away from each other.

It was during this season...

God was actively doing what He loves to do...

Transforming strangers into family.

Our God is so intentionally good...

Turning this traveling, homeless, needy pastor...

From stranger into son.

Giving him a home in a land unfamiliar...

Expanding his family line. 

When these unlikely stories merged...

A woman was given a son...

And the pastor was adopted into a second family.

It's mind-boggling to me...
To look back and see what The Lord was up to.
How He was lining up blessings in the midst of our struggle.

So often during these times...
We are tempted to be overwhelmed and disillusioned by what is hard...
Instead of being filled with wonder...
With what He is preparing our hands to receive.

I have lived just long enough to know...
That we have critical choices to steward in the midst of the difficult seasons...
Remember His promises and remain open to hope...
Or...
Use our own hands to nail the doors of confident expectation shut.

I have been known to hammer a few doors in my day.

Oh...
It is so much easier to look back from this side of things...
And see what The Kind hand of God...
Was up to all along.

I think that is why we are supposed to live with a "backwards mentality."
Because He works everything for our good...
And, total freedom has already been given...
We are able to live from a victory standpoint regardless of the situation.
We have been freed up from fears that try to keep us "nest bound."
He has given us wings to fly.

It's His blood that changes everything.
EVERYTHING!
Declaring us all family...

Deeming all other bloodlines irrelevant.

Even on the cross...
In His emptiest state...
He was filling voids...
Proving He can be trusted in the darkest times.
In the midst of His deepest moments of anguish...
Jesus lived out the value of family.
Placing His mother's care into the hands of another he deeply loved.
Because, He knew...
We cannot forever be with our beloved biologicals.

Reflecting on the words of King David today...
"In you our Fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were NOT disappointed."
Psalm 22

His bloodline gives us sonship.
He is our Good Daddy.
He can be trusted.
He delivers and saves.
He does not disappoint.

family...

The bonds of family are formed and strengthened...

Right in the middle of the ordinary moments.

Moments too easily overlooked and undervalued.

If I am being totally honest...

There are many days..

I feel I'm better suited for making warfare than...

Equipping young warriors.

"Frazzled" is a familiar word I would often use to describe my heart.

Family...

They have the ability to expose us in the most unique ways.

With great precision...

They remove the layers we are comfortable hiding behind.

Empowering greater levels of nakedness.

Some days are playful...

Others feel quite painful...

And, yet... 

Letting those we love "in..."

Letting them see who we really are...

It's in these moments true community flourishes.

It's so important to have people in your life who are for you...

Especially when we aren't really "dressed for success."

Family...

Designed to be a safe place to fail and thrive.

Never intended to be a place of perfection.

Instead, a starting ground for us to grow strong in love and then branch out.

Extending the family tree.

With all my heart...

I want to live love with my game face on.

Right next to those I adore most.
Some days are easier than others.

Everyday...
I grow more and more thankful for The God who never breaks "family ties..."
Due to "bad" behavior.
And, everyday...
I learn more and more...
That family is really...
Just little boys and girls...
Coming together and agreeing... 
That it is safe to fully be yourself...
To learn...
To fail...
To risk...
And to succeed...
Without ever fearing abandonment.
That is the heart of Our Daddy...
Longing for all His smalls to live in true family...
Naked and unashamed.

Still learning.