fillers...

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove...
Than the hunger for bread."
-Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa...
She is a mother of love.

A woman so captivated by The Author of Romance...
She spent herself...
Her ENTIRE self...
Giving that love away.

Love...
It's the bread for our souls...

No counterfeits or fillers can satisfy...

This God-given fundamental need.

We must remain feasting ones...
Filling up on truth.

God is love...
And...

NOTHING...
NOTHING...
NOTHING else will EVER satisfy.

Mother Teresa...
A beauty that encountered and imitated Christ.
Her radical pursuit of love...
Made her a radical lover.

Always and continuously emptying herself of "fillers..."
She was truly filled to the overflow...
With The Bread of Life.

In a culture...
Alive with the over-fed...
We are swimming in a sea of "hungry's..."
And... I have been known to offer stale bread to the starving.

Seeking to learn what it looks like to be a mother of love.
Offering soul nutrients to a love-hungry world.
Very aware I don't  have to go to Calcutta to feed...
I can begin right where I am...
In my very own home.

love is...

Love is...
Sharing tears...
Pressing on in prayer...
Offering hearts... broken and all...
So we can share the joys...
That being reunited brings.

This is what Charli thinks to being told she would have to remain in the hospital another night.
The morning and afternoon were filled with so much miraculous progress...
She was released into Good Pastor's arms.

Rejoining all the monkeys at Faith...

REJOICING...
CELEBRATING....
SO THANKFUL!

Love is...
Together at last!

Please keep us in your prayers as The Spirit brings us to mind...
We're still pretty fragile over here.

Much love.

traction...

Friday...
A hard heart day...
What was supposed to be a playful date day for Pastor and me...
Ended up being an urgent trip to the doctor for our Charli.

The weather was treacherous...
Hours were spent trapped on the interstate...
Trying to accomplish just a few short miles.

Just like the weather...

She seemed to grow worse by the minute.

After finally arriving.... two hours late...

She was immediately loaded back up...

For an ambulance ride to Children's Hospital.

She was not getting enough oxygen.

My heart instantly returned to what I would rather like to forget.

The pain and fear.
What I thought had died...
Is still very much alive.
Like a cancer in my heart.

I rode in the ambulance...
Praying for Charli...
Asking for protection over Adam...
As he traveled alone on the treacherous, ice covered roads.

Praising God for safety.
And for the protection over Charli's story.

As her temp spiked to 105.5...
She was diagnosed with two patches of pneumonia and an ear infection.
She would not be leaving the hospital.

I cannot begin to tell you...
How painful it is to see that cannula back in her nose...
It stirs up haunt.

This whole ordeal...
The weather...
The medical reports...
My past...
My present...
They speak of the journey.

Just trying to get to the Doctors.
We were horizontally sliding forward...
Taking up both lanes...
We had ZERO control.
No matter what...
Our car would NOT STRAIGHTEN on the path...
We were literally crying out...
"Jesus, HELP!"
"Please create traction!"

That same cry speaks volumes regarding my daily walk.
Many paths are so slippery...
Many are dark...
Attempting to scare me right off the road.
I feel like I am sliding...
Skidding out into danger.
I NEED HIM TO BE MY TRACTION!
I am desperate for The God that promises not to let my foot slip...
To set my feet on a rock...
Give me a firm place to stand.

I've never been great at traveling alone.
Thankful that He allows me to stay aware...
Of my need for love and community to be near.

He loves being our traction...
He loves using His beloved to travel alongside.
In the light...
In the dark.

Learning mama over here at The Rose.
Still being healed from old cancers.
Do I really trust His perfect love for me?
Holding tight to the promises He has placed in my hands.

Charli will yet again recover...
Her healing journey continues to stir up more healing in my own.

Remembering with great intensity...
He must be the traction for my journey.
He must be...
My everything!

And no matter how much it rips my fleshly heart...
I'll go through...

Whatever it takes...
To be more like Him...
To be a carrier of more HOPE.

Thank you for your love and prayers...
As Charli is still in the hospital.
They are treasured and much needed.

terrified...

The more moments I live...

The more aware I become...

Of just how much...

People are terrified...

To love and be loved.

A new friend recently shared...
"It's just too risky."
"I am afraid."
"So I build walls."

My heart breaks...
As I look around...
Noticing...
The number one need apart from salvation...
Coincides with most of the dysfunction in the human heart...
The lack of receiving and expressing love.

Love...
It calls us forth...
Inviting us to throw caution to the wind.
We can either respond with constructing igloos of isolation...
Or
Allow the ride...
To spin the control out of US.

Allowing travel...

Over the slick... hard... icy walls of the heart...

Into deeper levels of abandonment...

Prompting to us to behave in the most uncharacteristic of ways.

As a daughter...

It's my honor and highest calling...

To know and reflect the passions of His heart...

To be a lover of His body...

Inviting the terrified to embrace that which feels so risky.

For you cannot shut your eyes to love and expect to fully live.

I have learned from personal experience...

It's more terrifying to live with love walled out.

Than risk the hurt it most certainly brings.

Terrified...

To be deeply afraid.

Praying God would use me to break this off of His beloved.

For His perfect love...

It casts out all terror...

Setting the terrified FREE!

whimsy

whim·sy  

/ˈ(h)wimzē/

Noun Playfully quaint or fanciful behavior or humor. A whim. This is where x marks the spot on our love lesson today. We are learning to be better lovers... And no doubt... Lovers are whimsical. Kids by nature are masters of whimsy. And since the child in all of us learns best from illustrations... We went where whimsical stories run wild. A venue set apart for children to teach... The fine art. Though not my favorite destination spot... The atmosphere propels the grown to a different state of mind... A prison of play. Most adults seem to fight whimsy. It has become a dying art of sorts. Pastor and I... We're re-learning the game. We ache to love better... Our family... Our church... Our God... Our friends... Everybody really. Understanding more and more... That whimsy... Is one of the magic tickets towards greater love. And the good news is... There is a spot reserved for each of us... The more the merrier! The Hopefuls... They aren't just falling in love with love... They are falling in love with whimsy. What an amazing Papa we serve! He not only shares the gift... But invites us to be unusually playful... In  regards to expressing it. He wants us to be love drunk... You know... So in love... That you will give ALL your treasures away... Just to express your heart to another. Praying for more love around here. And an extra side of whimsy. Thankful for the oddest teachers... Characters designated to create space... So learners have a safe place to practice whimsy... Putting love lesson plans into practice.

perfectly

The heart of our Relentless King...
Is for His sons and daughters to trust...
TRUST in His perfect love.

Feast on His truth words...

Digest them...

Letting them change and shape everything in our core beliefs.

EVERYTHING!

Truth be told...

If I truly believe...

He really loves me perfectly...

I would fearlessly...

Lay all my "treasures" on the altar.

Wondering...

What idol-loves do I still need to surrender on the altar?

Today...

I would say my biggest idol would continue to be...

My old friend...

The approval of man.

Yep!

No matter how I process it... 

I still want people to think I am ok.

I hate unrest.

Unrest in regards to what people think of me...

It needs to die.

I no longer have desire for counterfeits.

I have acquired a distaste for all fillers.

I am DONE partnering with lies that steal...

Stuffing my sacred places with...

Worry...

Doubt...

Anger...

Discouragement..

Selfishness...

Freely giving away real estate...

In the King's territory.

I want ALL OF HIM...

In ALL OF ME.

You should know...

Since I have started this new journey...

I have been faced with many "get to" learning opportunities.

And in His kindness I am being led into repentance...

My mind is in renewal.

In deep humility I see...

He is not angry with me...

He is not undone by my bad theology.

He is a longing Papa...

Aching for His daughter to walk in fullness.

Not only loving me perfectly...

But actually drawing me closer.

And... on this journey...

He is teaching me to show grace to myself.

Our God...

He loves PERFECTLY...

He is The lavishing One.

Majestically painting His passion for us in the skies...

Placing delight in our hands.

Ahh...

I have such a love-hate relationship with...

Agents of change.

The more they come...

The more...

My heart screams...

"THANK YOU for not abandoning me when I want to abandon myself."

The lesson for today...

For my lifetime...

Remember...

He loves PERFECTLY.

He can be trusted...

With all things...

At all times...

Including the totality of my story.

Learning is just another word for traveling closer to His heart.

Jeremiah 31:3

" I have loved you, my people with an everlasting love.  With an unfailing love,  I have drawn you to myself.

laid down...

In the learning...
Papa is giving me exercises to practice.
Teaching me...
What it looks like...
To offer...
His heart in sacrificial ways.

Love that honors the Father ...
Is one that reflects His light...

FULLY Surrendering...
To the hands of another...

One that calls us to be laid down...
So His new can rise up.

Surrender...

It's painful.

Today.
I don't feel like loving well...
And it shows.

The example that has gone before...
Teaches me about choice...
Ushering me forward by the hand...
Will I choose to step in?

It feels cold...
It feels painful...
My flesh screams "NO!"
My heart cries...

A small "yes!"

Because... despite what I feel so situationally entitled to...
The ache for Him to rise up in me...
Is bigger.

I need His sign and seal...
His baptism of love...
To wash over me moment by moment.

Struggling today...
The feeling of love isn't raging.
Eating my words...
Learning to be a daughter-laid-down.

Thankful for my unfailing example of love.

Hankies and recording tools...
In full swing today.
Humbly learning.