traction...

Friday...
A hard heart day...
What was supposed to be a playful date day for Pastor and me...
Ended up being an urgent trip to the doctor for our Charli.

The weather was treacherous...
Hours were spent trapped on the interstate...
Trying to accomplish just a few short miles.

Just like the weather...

She seemed to grow worse by the minute.

After finally arriving.... two hours late...

She was immediately loaded back up...

For an ambulance ride to Children's Hospital.

She was not getting enough oxygen.

My heart instantly returned to what I would rather like to forget.

The pain and fear.
What I thought had died...
Is still very much alive.
Like a cancer in my heart.

I rode in the ambulance...
Praying for Charli...
Asking for protection over Adam...
As he traveled alone on the treacherous, ice covered roads.

Praising God for safety.
And for the protection over Charli's story.

As her temp spiked to 105.5...
She was diagnosed with two patches of pneumonia and an ear infection.
She would not be leaving the hospital.

I cannot begin to tell you...
How painful it is to see that cannula back in her nose...
It stirs up haunt.

This whole ordeal...
The weather...
The medical reports...
My past...
My present...
They speak of the journey.

Just trying to get to the Doctors.
We were horizontally sliding forward...
Taking up both lanes...
We had ZERO control.
No matter what...
Our car would NOT STRAIGHTEN on the path...
We were literally crying out...
"Jesus, HELP!"
"Please create traction!"

That same cry speaks volumes regarding my daily walk.
Many paths are so slippery...
Many are dark...
Attempting to scare me right off the road.
I feel like I am sliding...
Skidding out into danger.
I NEED HIM TO BE MY TRACTION!
I am desperate for The God that promises not to let my foot slip...
To set my feet on a rock...
Give me a firm place to stand.

I've never been great at traveling alone.
Thankful that He allows me to stay aware...
Of my need for love and community to be near.

He loves being our traction...
He loves using His beloved to travel alongside.
In the light...
In the dark.

Learning mama over here at The Rose.
Still being healed from old cancers.
Do I really trust His perfect love for me?
Holding tight to the promises He has placed in my hands.

Charli will yet again recover...
Her healing journey continues to stir up more healing in my own.

Remembering with great intensity...
He must be the traction for my journey.
He must be...
My everything!

And no matter how much it rips my fleshly heart...
I'll go through...

Whatever it takes...
To be more like Him...
To be a carrier of more HOPE.

Thank you for your love and prayers...
As Charli is still in the hospital.
They are treasured and much needed.