whispers...

The biggest secret that is being whispered into me as of late...

Has wrecked all former mindsets...
Regarding brotherly love.

Developing a sacrificial love life...

Esteeming the lives of others above my own...

A much harder lesson that I would've thought...

Especially as it appears that I also have 36 years of UNLEARNING to do.

This is not an easy task.

Not for me, anyway.

As I have spent most of my days believing that I should fight hard...

For my seat of significance.

Appearing innocent while...

Crushing others...

So I might occupy "the throne" of my desires. 

Laying down my dreams...

The spirit of jealousy...

Competition...

In order to help another's dream come true....

I am embarrassed to say...

Is quite difficult.

This level of honor is not something I have mastered.

Learning to be clothed in royal humility.

It feels a bit like wearing fancy garments that don't quite fit.

No matter the comfort...

I have seen what comes alive as I choose to call out the nobility in another.

When I dress to celebrate their growing story.

As I use my hands to bless...

It often feels a bit awkward...

For me...

And often the recipient.

Both parties equally struggling with this love exchange.

But worship is best displayed...

As we mimic The Son...

Using all our strength...

To lay down our "entitlements" for the sake of another...

Seemingly everywhere I turn...

An opportunity awaits...

To enter into the arena of another's dreams.

The question is...

Will I push my own desires...

Or get behind and launch the heart cries of those I love?

 

Listening for whispers is costly...

It means stillness and intentionality,

Two other areas I am learning more about.

Carrying out the message...

Means a comfortable part of me must be re-shaped...

Sculpted into something new.

Love and honor...

In the moment doesn't feel dreamy...

But... as we come beside one another...

Make space for the whispers...

We see that all of our stories are intertwined...

And that the victory in the story of a brother...

Because it speaks of God's heart and goodness...

Is really a victory for me as well.

Love and stillness do not always come easy.

So as He whispers I listen hard.

I enter in and PRAY.

 I choose to honor...

Not because it gets me extra credit with God...

But because it makes me more like Him.

And more than anything...

I want to know Him in such I way...

That with each and every whisper...

I look more and more like Him.

15

15...
Yesterday...
Pastor and I celebrated a large victory...
15 years of marriage.

15...
It is a big number...
Especially as I look back and realize...
With dating included...
I have spent more of my life loving Adam than not.

15...
A number representing...
Acts shaped by Divine Grace.
Oh this could not be more true.
Our marriage...
Our family...
Our individual lives...
All shaped by grace from the hand of The Father of Love.

It was a typical day...
A day on the go...

With Charli bestowing... her very own "puke-offering" in the early a.m...

The day was off to a bang.

No matter what we did...

The day just seemed bombarded with unexpected twists and turns.

We were not undone... 

Though it did make us crazy at times.

I just kept reminding myself of truth...

I am a rich woman...

And ESPECIALLY on our anniversary...

I have a house FULL of GOOD FRUIT to celebrate.

Truth is...

I don't need diamonds... fancy trips...

Chocolates... roses...

Or any other trinkets.

As the Good Lord allows...

I am blessed to end each day...

And rise the next to partner with...

My Good Pastor...

The finest man I know...

The man...

That sees and calls out the gold in me daily.

Thankful for the number 15.

Thankful for what it means in my heart and in my family line.

On anniversaries... and everyday...

Love means...

Being shaped by Acts of Divine Grace.

Thankful and CELEBRATING!

vulnerability...

Over the past few months...

The Lord has been opening my eyes...

Revealing on new levels...

His heart for vulnerability.

It seems that in our culture...

In our churches...

And in relationships...

The value of being vulnerable has been replaced with an old Eden inclination. 

We have become expert hiders.

Fear of exposure or attack...
We dress ourselves to impress...

Put our best smile and fashion forward...

Only to lose sight of...

Who we really are...

Who we were created to be.

Truth is...

I have learned...

The hard way...

Often the best blessing I can offer another...

Is the gift of being a mess.

A mess that fully trusts in His goodness...

But aches none the less.

Lately...

My desire for more of God...

Has left me wrestling.

I don't often feel Him the way I long.

I don't always see myself being used in the ways that I always dream.

Frustration... tears... and earnest prayers....

Have been my faithful companions.

Living and loving by faith is stretching me.

Somedays... 

My legs are strong for the walking...

Other days...

I simply need be carried in the arms of mercy and grace.

Either way....

I know He delights in me just the same.

His heart...

For His bride...

Is for us to be FREE!

Free to need...

Free to receive...

Free to love...

Free to be exactly where we are...

And ALWAYS... 

Free to share our struggles with others on the journey.

Witholding how our hearts are really doing...

Is like removing the climax from a good movie or a book.

We need to see the whole picture in order to better appreciate the ending.

And truth is...

Though I am not a baby anymore...

I still need to be changed daily.

More joy and life come alive..

As I offer myself as growing.

I will not hide until I have "arrived."

Because then it will be much too late.

I will celebrate beauty in the mess of today...

Personally...

And in the stories of others offered in beautiful vulnerability...

For they are indeed a love gift.

the basics

The art of love...

How can something so seemingly basic...

Feel like such a giant pyramid of mystery?

I have never excelled at art...

Awful... is how I would describe most attempts.

And I am no expert on love either...

But both can be taught...

And I am hungry to learn.

So here I am...

A 36 year old woman-child...

Relearning the basics.

Fixing my focus on The Primary...

So I might spend all my days practicing...

Pointing out the beauty surrounding me.

Learning can feel scary.

Especially when you don't really know what you are doing.

Just trying often feels like a HUGE risk.

You can have all the tools in the world...

But if you don't pick them up and use them...

They are nothing more than clutter.

For me...
My life-long obstacle...
Not letting the package of the fruit entangle me.

What I mean is....
I all too easily get fixed on the masterpieces of others...
My eyes... prone to quickly take in defeat...
And then Struggling with the lie that I have nothing to offer sets in.

Truth is.. I was put on this planet...
With empty hands...

So that I might be free to fully receive...
And then...
Fully give away.

His palette...
Full of the most divine colors.
Oh how I need His Water....
To wash over me...  motioning the colors into something...
Beautifully set apart.

Everyday is a new canvas.
An opportunity for me to die to my lack and insecurities...
Shut the door on unnecessary competition.
And pick up the brush.

Celebrating His art...
It just gives more praise to The Artist.

And

As I choose...

To touch...

Take in...

And peel back the layers...

Drawing out the gold in others...

The Artist is worshipped.

And sometimes...

Most times... at least for me...

That begins with the basics...

Examining the very fruit of my own heart.

I have MUCH to learn about the basics of art and love...

But I can't not risk.

So blessed by the beauty of the yielded.

The Artist-lovers seeking to paint by The Spirit...

Laying down their best...

Giving the time, talents, and treasures of their lives...

In order to draw out promise in the learning.

Purposefully investing in future generations...

So that little girls like me...

Learn to better recognize His art when we see it.

Oh the gift of believing in someone.

The joy of sharing love.

The blessing of watching insecurity die...

So love blooms in its rightful place.

I want to be an Artist.

I want His Spirit to guide my hand...

Draw out His beauty...

Celebrate the glory in all His fruit.

Thankful that He loves calling things to be before they are...

In His eyes we are not only His favorite medium...

We are also partners in the art.

Learning that some of the most beautiful illustrations...

Have come through my mistakes.