standing still...

Standing still...

Oh... it "feels" so much safer than pressing in.

I like safe.

I am a HUGE fan of safe.

Unfortunately, minimal learning occurs in the safety of "the standing still."

This past month as battles have come my way...
 I have realized just how many...
Safety-idols remain in "active duty" in my mind.
This realization makes me very sad.

Fear...

Nasty little "four-letter word."

Somehow taking that which is false... 

Transforming it into a mirage appearing so true.

When fear resurfaces... 
Rearing its ugly head,
I seem to run out of grace for myself.
Frustration sets in...
And I give my heart...
The "you should know better" gaze.

Introspection of this kind often stirs up unhealthy thoughts.

Ideas NOT reflecting truth.

And, I have learned I cannot afford to have a single thought about myself...

That The Father does not have.

I keep asking for Him to reveal how He sees me...

To show me what He was dreaming when He made me.

I want to see myself the way He does...

The way I am able to see others.

Full of LOVE and tender happiness.

He is The HAPPY God...

He is all smiles over what He has made.

My story is not exempt from this truth.

So... I am choosing to learn...

I am NOT standing still...

Grace must abound as I recognize...

The sheer act of being open on this journey... is a pleasing fragrance to Him.

Some days...
I am an excellent student.
Other days...
NOT SO MUCH.
It's those days I am particularly thankful...
His promises are ETERNAL!
Based on His covenant...
Not my feelings...
Not requirements...
Never my behavior.

Each day...
I am being released to a greater degree...
To keep moving.
And each day...
He reveals more.

Oh...
How easy it is for me to get hung up on ALL the ways...
My love and learning fall short...
Enticing all forward motion to come to a screeching halt.

Again, God in His kindness placed tools in my heart...
 4 smalls in need of a teacher.

Smalls that are actively growing...
Forever motioning forward.
Requiring me to live out the very lessons I teach.

And, as exam times come...
When I feel like all of my strength is being pushed to the limit...
I can rest in the truth that The Proud Papa is right beside me...

Offering His...

Strength...

Love...

Support.

Encouragement...

And resources.

Though I am learning a ton...

I feel like I know so much less than I did even a year ago.

This is most humbling...

But also helpful as I remember...

The goal of my life is NOT to know all the answers...

But to continue to sing in the unknown.

He is my Song...

 And, I will spend the rest of my life learning how to sing it well.

And in the leaps of this life...
I will learn to have this picture of ME in my mind's eye.

Remembering...

I am HIS child FIRST...

He is ALREADY well pleased with me.

I don't have to be afraid.

I don't have to stand still.